My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
