i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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