She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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