At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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