There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
