Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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