We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
