She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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