In America we eat man semen.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You left your phone here
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