They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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