Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Success! We fucked roommates!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
