Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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