I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
