Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
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