last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
