I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
