we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
if only i could text you this smell
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I will pee on everything he values.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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