so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
