what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she told me i tasted like america
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
