I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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