Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
