I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
