lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
