i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
