he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
