I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
