Betty ford says i'm here all night
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
