this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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