I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
