also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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