I wish I could punch you in the face.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
