so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We got so high we made milksteak
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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