Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
