I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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