Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
there's paper in my vomit.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
