btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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