I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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