Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
