She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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