no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
