why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
