dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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