is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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