And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
pop tarts are not kleenex
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
