Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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