Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
