i may or may not be watching the land before time
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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