So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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