Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
