Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
