If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
